figured i'd stopped blogging, but this is pretty much a milestone, and i don't want to forget, so here we go, CAP 2012.

back for seconds. kind of apprehensive and honestly, i only wanted to come back so i would be eligible for the mentorship and all that. (and found out recently that you're applicable for mentorship as long as you've attended CAP before, regardless of the year, which means i didn't have to go this year._.) nonetheless, zero regrets. missed out a week of studying, but then again what are the odds of me remembering what i study in the first week?
it's funny, because this time, i didn't learn how to improve my craft. there's only so much a lecturer can tell you, i feel. this time, it wasn't all about the whole finding-your-inner-writer and unleashing it and cue explosions cue earthquakes. i thought, and i thought really hard about this and realised that it was really reassurance that i gained.
let's start from the top. 2012 started off with me recklessly delving into my humanities combination. (i still don't think it's reckless, but i reckon many would) and i love it, but i've had my fair share of worries. on depressing days, i wish i was wired for science. because then, you would just go with the flow because it's really frustrating being the minority always. i know i want to write in the future, but let's face it- what are the odds of ever making it? much less as a playwright? but some wiseass once said that if you love what you do, you'll never work another day in your life. and i want that. pretty damn badly.
anyway, my point is, that for the past week, i've heard from many who's been there done that and some were brutally honest, it's almost impossible to have a successful career in theatre. but others were so inspiring i swore i was going to start bawling and hurtling down the LT to launch myself into their arms and thank them for reigniting my love for what i do. they told you to follow your heart, because they still made it big. they told you to be shameless, and keep trying and trying and trying. and it wasn't all just throwing around inspirational words. they were living prove that it was possible, and i guess that was enough for me.
so yes, CAP 2012 basically reassured me that what i'm trying so hard to do is the right path. i don't think i'll ever doubt it again. i'm reassured that i'm not making the hugest mistake of my life. it's not revolutionary, but it's just like a small part of me inside just remembered. remembered why i picked up the pen in the first place.
i will never forget the feeling of seeing someone speak lines from your script for the first time.
it's the most beautiful feeling in the world. that you're taken seriously. that someone believes in your play enough to want to be a part of it. to know your hands made something out of nothing. somehow, even though i never stopped loving this bit of me, i needed it. i just needed to hear it from someone. that i'm doing what i have to, and that it won't all go to waste.
so thank you, CAP2012. you saved me from myself.

figured i'd stopped blogging, but this is pretty much a milestone, and i don't want to forget, so here we go, CAP 2012.

back for seconds. kind of apprehensive and honestly, i only wanted to come back so i would be eligible for the mentorship and all that. (and found out recently that you're applicable for mentorship as long as you've attended CAP before, regardless of the year, which means i didn't have to go this year._.) nonetheless, zero regrets. missed out a week of studying, but then again what are the odds of me remembering what i study in the first week?
it's funny, because this time, i didn't learn how to improve my craft. there's only so much a lecturer can tell you, i feel. this time, it wasn't all about the whole finding-your-inner-writer and unleashing it and cue explosions cue earthquakes. i thought, and i thought really hard about this and realised that it was really reassurance that i gained.
let's start from the top. 2012 started off with me recklessly delving into my humanities combination. (i still don't think it's reckless, but i reckon many would) and i love it, but i've had my fair share of worries. on depressing days, i wish i was wired for science. because then, you would just go with the flow because it's really frustrating being the minority always. i know i want to write in the future, but let's face it- what are the odds of ever making it? much less as a playwright? but some wiseass once said that if you love what you do, you'll never work another day in your life. and i want that. pretty damn badly.
anyway, my point is, that for the past week, i've heard from many who's been there done that and some were brutally honest, it's almost impossible to have a successful career in theatre. but others were so inspiring i swore i was going to start bawling and hurtling down the LT to launch myself into their arms and thank them for reigniting my love for what i do. they told you to follow your heart, because they still made it big. they told you to be shameless, and keep trying and trying and trying. and it wasn't all just throwing around inspirational words. they were living prove that it was possible, and i guess that was enough for me.
so yes, CAP 2012 basically reassured me that what i'm trying so hard to do is the right path. i don't think i'll ever doubt it again. i'm reassured that i'm not making the hugest mistake of my life. it's not revolutionary, but it's just like a small part of me inside just remembered. remembered why i picked up the pen in the first place.
i will never forget the feeling of seeing someone speak lines from your script for the first time.
it's the most beautiful feeling in the world. that you're taken seriously. that someone believes in your play enough to want to be a part of it. to know your hands made something out of nothing. somehow, even though i never stopped loving this bit of me, i needed it. i just needed to hear it from someone. that i'm doing what i have to, and that it won't all go to waste.
so thank you, CAP2012. you saved me from myself.